Deincarnation

Deincarnation

Richard T. Penson, MD, MRCP

Feb 21, 2014

I’ve only ever had one patient with two PhDs. Gerda was a woman of huge intellect and generous humor, an appreciation for the finest detail, and was, herself, beautifully refined. She could give incisive critique, but with warmth and empathy, and a giggling smile. She was ferociously independent, and as beloved as a loyal friend could be. She had a thrilling curiosity and a soulful connection that drew you back into the most important parts of living.

Her passion was not fighting cancer; it was William Blake.

William Blake inspired her. Blake (1757-1827) was a Romantic poet and artist with an idiosyncratic and luminary prophetic edge. Gerda was Jewish, and unequivocally a matriarch, but grew into a Buddhist, though Jungian in psychology, and found old age thrilling.

Blake, through Gerda, has taught me more about incarnating life with joy, the sort of hilarious, infectious joy that Gerda had on vacation; hauling up the sun at dawn. But she could be just as present in quiet moments, respectful of the passion and conflict we suffer as we strut upon the stage of life. Gerda particularly loved the mythic allegory that was so often front and center with Blake; transcendental, beautiful, alternative glimpses. Like Blake, she loved the rich interplay of paradox that makes up the human experience of life. Both Gerda and Blake viewed this world and eternity not as two separate dimensions, but entwined.

In the “Auguries [omen] of Innocence,”1 a poem from one of William Blake's notebooks now known as The Pickering Manuscript, he says:

To see a world in a grain of sand

 And a heaven in a wild flower,

Hold infinity in the palm of your hand,

 And eternity in an hour.

Gerda looked at me for a long time, and said “I’m deincarnating.” And she was. For Gerda, in hospice, cancer collided with her cardiomyopathy, and lying flat on her back, which always worsened her heart failure, she became breathless and panicky. One day she announced with delicious irony, “I'm dead.” When asked how it felt, she smiled and replied, “It's not too different from being alive.”

Not having Gerda around is profoundly different from how it felt when she incarnated the world, and the space she leaves is a very tangible challenge to reincarnate our existence with a vitality and creativity that challenges our impermanence everyday.

She delighted to inspire others, and inspires me to learn grief again; facing forward and facing up.

1And eternity in an hour. Encyclopædia Britannica Online. "The Pickering Manuscript." Online. Accessed December 13, 2010.

 

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Comments

Laura Norvig

Feb, 23 2014 4:36 AM

Oh serendipity - you are what make me believe in a greater something! It is 1:30 in the morning here in California. I've just spent several hours listening to portions of the recorded consultations from Gerda's appointments with you that she kept on her iPhone.

Intertwingled with the medical stuff were the insightful conversations between the two of you, during which, at times, you so artfully encouraged her to continue her hard work of confronting mortality. 

After hearing you suggest that you both collaborate on a post about her concept of deincarnation, I decided to check Google to see if it ever came to fruition, only to find that this post was quite fresh off the presses.

Thank you for everything, Dr. Penson. I would say Gerda was lucky to find you, but I believe in a bit more than luck guiding us through our lives.

Richard T. Penson, MD, MRCP

Feb, 24 2014 9:15 AM

Wonderful lady!


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